Whether you like it or not, in human interactions body language matters more than words. Actually scientists found out that up to 93% of what we say is body language including non-verbal cues and tone of voice. Words are only 7%. Since you know that now, would you like to learn the basics then?

Before I tell you the basics let me make it clear that understanding and using body language can help you improve your confidence, presence around others, attractiveness and social skills. That’s why it affects both your dating and business relationships. However you must never use it to manipulate others, only to have better interactions with them. Now let’s get to the fun stuff.


The most common way for showing openness and positivity. Always smile to others especially when you meet them but not too much and certainly not all the time because it transmits a negative effect, it makes you look silly. Also remember that a real smile creates wrinkles next to your eyes because it uses all the muscles of your mouth and around the eyes. Here’s an example with Julia Roberts. Can you see the difference now?

The Life Upgrades - Smile

Eye contact

Making eye contact with the other person shows that you actually listen to them and they want to talk with you more. But again looking in the eyes too intense the other person will make you look weird and that something is wrong with you. Doing that can sometimes even reveal you are lying.


Notice what you are doing with your hands all the time because it’s the first thing people notice. Are you playing with your jewelry, watch or rings? Then you look nervous or anxious. Did you cross your arms in front of your chest? Then you look closed, defensive and uninterested in that person. Do you have your hands to the side and open towards the other person? Then you look approachable and friendly person. Are you using hand gestures while talking? That shows authenticity and that you believe what you are saying. Also touching creates rapport with others but be cautious of the situation. The higher towards the shoulder you touch the more intimate the touch gets.

The Life Upgrades - Hands and Legs


After noticing your hands and arms, you need to control your feet and legs. Are you moving around or kicking while the other person is talking to you? That shows either the conversation is boring or you feel uncomfortable/nervous being around him/her. Both outcomes are not good, so stop. Are your legs crossed? Like the arms, you show that you are defensive. Where are your feet pointing at? If they are towards elsewhere except that person, then it shows that you want to leave. If they are pointing towards that person, then it shows interest in the conversation.


Straight back, chest out, hands to the sides of your body and looking straight ahead is the perfect posture. It shows openness, confidence and you are ready for anything. It’s like shouting “I’m here” and people will notice you for sure. That’s why the first rule for working a room is that. It shows your presence to everyone. Also like your feet, turn your whole body towards the person you are talking to in order to show interest in that person. Moreover leaning towards when someone talks shows more engagement and leaning backwards shows less.


Another great way to build rapport with others. Mimic their gestures; tone they are using, their body’s movements and even their mood can do the job. However make sure that you use subtle mirroring every now and then because if you overdo it then they will notice that something’s wrong.

By using these body language tips you will improve your communications a lot, but that’s just nothing compared to what you can learn on body language. I studied plenty of books, courses, videos and I’m still learning. So if you want to learn more I will share my 3 top resources that taught me the most.

  • Lie to me: The best series on body language out there. It’s based on “Paul Ekman”, one of the most well-known body language experts and the person that taught the whole world about facial micro expressions. It’s a 3-season series with each episode packed with plenty of knowledge on the subject.
The Life Upgrades - Lie to me
  • The Definitive Book of Body Language – How to Read Others’ Attitudes by Their Gestures by Allan and Barbara Pease: Amazing body language book explaining all the basics and more by 2 famous experts on the field. The first book on body language I read and I still believe is a must.
The Life Upgrades - The Definitive Book of Body Language
  • The Secrets of Body Language: If you don’t have the time or energy to sit and read a whole book or watch a whole series, this course is what you need. Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioural investigator and her team over at scienceofpeople.com have a few more online courses like this one; multiple articles and videos helping people improve their people skills. Everything is so informative and fun to watch at the same time but if you need something that can teach you anything you need to learn about body language fast, then you found it.
The Life Upgrades - Vanessa Van Edwards

Tip: Moreover you can find any kind of course at good prices and even discounts at Udemy.

Knowing how to control your body language and what other people are really saying is like having a superpower. But because it’s like that you must never use it for influencing people. You should only use it to communicate with others more effectively. Lastly at first it will look impossible to notice anything, sometimes even your movements. However keep learning about it and practicing it. In the end you will get the hang of it.

Share this article to inform more people and tell us your thoughts in the comments below: Do you know how to control your body language? Can you read others’ movements? Did these tips help you? What about the resources? Can you suggest more tips or resources?